Categotry Archives: From the Mail Bag
Fw: Folks from Texas
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas … If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas . If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas . If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Dallas for […]
A new supermarket opened near my house.
I got this in the emial recently. You’ve probably seen it, but in case you haven’t: A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled […]
Send This "Email" on to All Your Friends…
… or else. Don’t you hate the garbage some people insist on putting at the bottom of an otherwise cute email in which they say dire things will happen if you don’t send it on? I do. Which is why I get a kick out of this one: http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf Alice
Travelling Woes
OK, not the best joke I’ve ever posted, but not the worst I’ll come up with either: You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a ‘drop off’, (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you […]
Arabian Ski Resort
Arabian Ski Resort Have you seen this one yet? It’s a ski resort in Arabia. This is what it looks like from the outside: Alice
SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE…. TRUE
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog […]
Groan
I know I shouldn’t inflict these on you just because someone inflicted them on me, but…. Oh well. 😀 . (1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid […]
What You Get When You Ask One Too Many Times
This never actually happened to me, but boy it sure could have. Alice *Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, […]
They Call Him Mr. Lucky
Check this out. Some guy was driving along the highway and went off the road. You can see the place he went off over on the right hand side of this picture. The guy was seriously lucky. I mean, He jumped a culvert and ended up close to the road. His truck isn’t even all that smashed up, though it’ll need some work. Get a load of it. I don’t think you realize just how lucky this guy was. Scroll […]
48 Questions
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:58, 7:08, and 7:28am Snooze alarm. 2. Diamonds or Pearls? Pearls 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Eragon 4. What is your favorite TV show? I don’t watch TV 5. What did you have for breakfast? A bowl of cereal 6. What is your middle name? I have to have a middle name? 7. What is your favorite cuisine? Whatever I can get my hands on. […]
Winter
Before we turn the weather front corner into spring, I’d like to offer one last tribute to winter. How would you like to sit here? Notice the van above? Now check out the other side of it. According to the email that had these pictures in it, these are all of Versoix Switzerland, a town near Geneva. The lake in the background is Leman Lake. Apparently the lakefront there looks like this every winter. . Alice
Moe and Joe
This joke is probably going to sound morbid, taken in context. But honest, it came in the mail yesterday and I thought what the heck. I’ll share. 😀 . Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, “Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please […]
More Naughtyness
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff Meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one Pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having Fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a Quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was They had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence […]
Rum Christmas Cake – giggle
This is not a recipe I have tried, but it reminds me of the Galloping Gourmet. Read all the way to the bottom before you try it. 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs Nuts 1 bottle rum 2 cups of dried fruit Sample the rum to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the rum again. To be sure it is […]
Naughty Joke. Don't Read This.
I get all kinds of things in my email. Now and then I’m bound to share some of it with you. Forgive me. Fred and Mary got married but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred’s Mom and Dad’s for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary […]
