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“Quiet!” Suzie snapped at the boys, one hand covering the receiver on the phone. “It’s Drew.”
Gene, Ben, and Lisa stopped arguing over the last slice of pizza and looked to the corner of the kitchen where Suzie had the house line mounted to the wall. She put her back to them and hunched over the phone.
“Where are you? Who is that woman talking in the background?”
“I’m at the office, and that is just Maria.”
It might have been the line, but there was something odd about Drew’s voice. His word seemed a hair slurred. Or maybe his accent was changing. She couldn’t be sure when she still wasn’t used to the sound of his voice over the phone.
He’d been gone for a month now. In that time he’d called maybe half a dozen times. She wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice but…
“Drew, now isn’t really a good time.”
Silence.
This month had made her painfully aware of how much the two of them had communicated without using words. When he was in front of her, his inclination to be closed mouthed didn’t bother her so much. She could look at his face or her stance and make a good guess at how he was feeling. Now? His silences drove her up the wall.
“I’ll call you back later.” She waited a half a second before hanging up, almost as though hoping he would stop her.
“Wait. Please.” His voice was raw now, too emotional for the Drew she knew and loved. He swallowed so hard she could hear it. Then he whispered. “I need you.”
“Drew?” She gripped the phone so hard, the plastic case creaked in her hands.
The quick rustle of his phone being taken away came from the other end of the line, then a strange woman started talking.
“Listen, chica. You should come out here right now. This man of yours, he’s hurting bad. I’d take care of him for you, but he won’t let me.”
“What?!” Suzie fought down a growing sense of panic.
“He’s fine,” a strange man said, having apparently taken the phone the same way the woman had. “He’s doing his job. That’s what matters.”
“Wait. Who are you? What is going on?”
A loud thud was her only answer. The man must have dropped the phone. A second later, Drew was back. He cleared this throat, then spoke with much more confidence than before, like his old self.
“I’m fine, Suzie. Just wanted to check in. Are you well?”
“Yes, well, it’s been the worst Summer I’ve had in a long time with everything that’s been going on with Ben and Gene. Gene’s father…”
“Suzie, I’m sorry. I have to go. But don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m… totally… fine.”
“But…”
The line went dead. Suzie pulled it away from her ear to stare at the offending contraption as if it could speak for itself.
“Can you believe that,” she said, turning toward the room to share the strange call with the kids.
The kitchen was empty.
Worse, she had a good idea where they had all gone.
Wow… what just happened here? Some great work you have got here… Well done! /Jo.
nice…obviously that got everyones attention…hmm…need to follow that link and figure this out. nice teasing 55.
mine is up!
Sorry. For Flash Fiction 55, scroll down a little further. This is Suzie’s House, which I’ve been doing a lot longer than I’ve done any flash fiction.
Very nice move to Suzie – and knowing what Drew has just been through, to ‘hear’ his side as Suzie would hear it, makes this scene very poignant. Great job, Alice!!
You really escalated the tension here!
Heh, heh. And you all thought I was dropping the ball.
Curiouser and curiouser. I wonder where this is all going?
Um…. to a book, actually. I still haven’t caught up in timeline with where Moving In is set, let alone I Remember You.
I’m frustrated with how Suzie and Drew are acting, especially Suzie. I kind of want to shake them both!
Nice writing, Alice!
Sucking us in 55 by 55. Nicely done. My 55 is also up. You can find it HERE.
Okay, Alice, where’d the kids go? Seriously, how long are you going to keep these two apart? He needs her bad. Poor Drew.
Alice, you nailed the angst in both Suzie and Drew. And you ramped up the anxiety in me! Great job!
I’m afraid it’s going to be until at lest the middle of Summer. Maybe a bit longer, but I need to get some unrelated scenes in here – stuff to do with Ben and Gene. And maybe a little tiny hint of Miranda and Vin. I’ve got a new character on the horizon for you all, and some ideas for some characters who have only done cameos to this point. I’ve already got Drew and Suzie’s reconciliation scene in mind. Now I’m kind of working toward it.
Excellent. Highly entertaining./ I suppose I’ll just have to wait to find out “…where they had all gone…”
Worse, she had a good idea where they had all gone.
masterymistery at cosmic rapture
So Drew’s in big trouble, huh? And Ben and Gene to the rescue?
I love how this scene takes place mainly through dialogue. And how much is revealed through the silences within the conversation. Lovely!
Sadly, Susan, Ben and Gene are everything BUT coming to Drew’s rescue. They’re teenagers, an acting it to the max.
Thanks, Julia. One of my internal mantras as I write is, “make room for the reader.”
This works on so many layers, Alice. And it has so many strings for the reader to follow and to think about. I would need a white board or a apreadsheet to be able to keep track of all the characters and the action!
Good stuff …
Well, hopefully I’m not getting too complicated.
http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/well-here-comes-the-week-15-rally-awards-and-more/
hot blog award,
you are a princess award…
smiles!
Well done, Alice. I had a feeling Drew would call Suzie while under the influence. I agree with Laurie, they both need a good shake up. The fact we feel that way is a reflection on good your writing. You keep us involved and make us care. Chapeau! And keep it coming.
I know. I’m so predictable.