Suzie’s House 139: To Apologize

“I can’t believe you did that,” Lisa said. “How can you blame Gene for wanting a place of his own?”

“A place.” When Ben thought of a place, he saw a bachelor’s apartment full of junk, beer, and women’s underwear like he’d seen in a movie or two. So far as he could guess, his mom’s house would never look anything like that.

“This is his home, isn’t it?” Lisa was on a roll and showing no signs of letting up. “But he doesn’t even have a place to sit. How would you like living in someone else’s house like that? I mean, he has no rights. Does he even have a place to sleep? Or is he sleeping in the living room on the couch? Because I don’t see a bed for him anywhere.” Lisa gestured around the room.

“I didn’t ask him to move in! And for your information, he took over my bed. I sleep on the floor.” Sometimes. And sometimes it was the other way around.

Maybe Lisa was right. Ben could see how it wouldn’t feel real good if he had to choose between sleeping in someone else’s bed or on the floor all the time. Come to think about it, there wasn’t a room in this house that Gene belonged in. That had to be hard.

All this time Ben had only been thinking about how rotten it was that Mom didn’t ask him what he thought before she dumped Gene on him. It was one thing to let the guy crash with him all the time. It was something else to not be able to say, “hey, some other night maybe.”

But so what? If Mom hadn’t taken him as a foster kid, Ben would have still done something, wouldn’t he? If she hadn’t already taken Gene in, wouldn’t Ben have begged her to? He couldn’t let his best friend sleep in a parking lot like he did that one time. It put him in the hospital! That, or maybe the beating his dad gave him, Ben was never real clear on which.

He spent too much time thinking about it.

“If you won’t go after him, I will.” Lisa marched off toward the door.

Ben grabbed her arm. “No. I’ll go.”

He could see it now. He’d walk up to Gene all apologetic and Gene would just sneer at him. Because what did it matter if Ben said he was sorry? Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn’t, and they both knew he had to say he was no matter what. That wouldn’t be enough for a guy like Gene. Ben knew, because he knew it wouldn’t be enough for himself if it were him.

He had to do something more. Something better.

“You don’t think he really is going home, do you?” Lisa looked real hard at him, but she also bit her lip all worried like. “I mean, doesn’t he live here now? If he goes back, won’t his father beat him for sure?”

“Yeah,” Ben said stiffly. Ben could see in his head how Gene’s dad would act. Not good. Really, really not good. No way Ben could let Gene go back to that, no matter how mad he got.

But how was he going to make it stick?

“Shouldn’t you do something? Go after him!”

“I am going after him! But just saying I’m sorry isn’t going to be enough.” He ran over to his dresser and yanked out a pair of white BVDS. “This should do it.”

“What are you doing? I don’t get it?” Lisa followed him into the hall and down the stairs.

“You will. Just keep following, and you’ll get it.” With that he jammed the underwear on his head.

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