Last week I promised certain dog owners I would do a TT on dogs with week. Here it is: Things to do with your beloved dog.
1. Get really close to his face and talk baby talk until he wiggles, and whines. Then, just before he breaks and licks your face, give him a pat and straighten up.
2. Spend six months raising and training him so he will heel without a leash, then turn him over to your grandmother who promptly undoes all the training you gave him.
3. Feed him liver right before you leave so he will stink up the house, and Grandma will finally put the Doberman outside like she was supposed to in the first place. Some guard dog sitting in the recliner. Humph.
4. Take pictures! How could I forget? Take lots and lots of pictures!
5. Go for a walk. Don’t bother with a leash because he will only drag you half way down the block, change directions making your arm whip around, then change again until you almost fall.
6. Take pictures the first time he goes out in the snow. Be sure to catch the way he lifts a paw and looks at it as if it has betrayed him.
7. Take pictures when he is sleeping, especially if the cat curls up next to him and he doesn’t automatically try to eat her.
8. Go for a walk cross-country where you don’t have to worry about some idiot in a car, or carry a pooper scooper.
9. Tale pictures when he tries to lick the computer screen clean.
10. If he’s a she, especially if she’s a Rottweiler or Doberman, get her a big pink bow so people will stop assuming she’s a he.
11. Put a doggy treat on his nose and make him balance it there until he’s going cross-eyed, then let him eat it.
12. Roll the window down and take him for a ride.
13. Stop off for a car wash to get the doggie drool off the sides of the truck. Promise yourself next time you’ll take a camera to the county park and take pictures of him running while you walk.
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