The big table where Tracy and Gene sometimes had their band meetings at lunch time didn’t have anyone sitting at it. It made Emma nervous and exposed, but she set her tray there right at the very end and sat down.
It felt like everyone was looking at her. And not in the grand, movie-star way she liked to imagine.
She tried a sip from her tiny carton of milk, and barely got it down. No way she was going to be able to eat the rest of this. Not with everyone staring at her. Worse yet, it wasn’t like a meeting had been called or anything. Everyone had their own groups.
She could see Justin sitting with his band geek friends, and thankfully Bruce wasn’t in the lunchroom at all. Then Kate came.
Relief filled Emma. With Kate beside her everything would be all right. No one looked at Emma when Kate was around.
Only Kate didn’t come to the big table. She went over to the table where Katy and Alisha sat.
What a bitter betrayal. Didn’t she know Katy and Alisha wouldn’t let her sit with them anymore? They said to pick, and she picked the band so now they wouldn’t let her stay with them anymore. Except yesterday when they said that, Kate was already going away. So she didn’t hear.
But why didn’t she notice now? Kate sat with the other two and started talking, and Emma remembered when they first said she could eat lunch with them. It wasn’t like they wanted her with them. Katy had said, “If you want to eat with us, we’ll let you.”
At the time, that was enough. Right? She was so grateful that she didn’t really think about it. But what did she have to be grateful for? That they tolerated her? Well, maybe she was better off by herself.
She picked up her chicken leg, and eyed the breading suspiciously. It looked like maybe they baked it instead of frying, which would have been fine if it wasn’t breaded. She put it back down and poked at her pudding with a fork.
Someday everything would be different. Someday she’d be a star. Once she became a star she wouldn’t have to eat alone anymore. People would come and pay tribute to her. Or at least talk to her, and maybe smile. And then Katy and Alisha could be the ones to act all penitent, instead of expecting her to crawl back and beg for forgiveness.
Who needed them, anyway? Right?
Except without them she couldn’t seem to swallow her food.
Tracy and Gene came in with sack lunches. Emma really envied their sack lunches. The best food always came out of them. Emma waved before she thought it through. Of course they wouldn’t be looking for her. They didn’t even glance her way, just sat down at a little table closer to the door.
So nobody came to sit at the table, not even to use the other end. Emma sat there all alone, feeling like a dweeb and an idiot. She dropped her fork. There was no point forcing it. She’d just throw it all up anyway.
She glanced over at Tracy and Gene one last time, feeling hurt, lonely, and defeated. She could easily visualize her lunches from now on. She’d sit in the library and wait until the next period started, then eat ravenously when she got home.
Right then Tracy happened to look up, and their eyes locked. And Tracy smiled.
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