Ah Maria, How to Tell Who Reigns

Queen Maria accidentally gave Marie Antoinette a puritanical upbringing by example. But she knew when to draw the line. How to teach as much to Marie?

“The Court of Versailles was beside itself with delight at the spectacle of this child setting herself up against the King’s mistress, therefore, against Louis himself.” And this was what Marie Antoinette could not grasp. She was too young and too un-worldly to understand what Madame Dubarry meant to King Louis. As a result, she continued to diss Dubarry at every opportunity.

Needless to say, King Louis got an earful from his girlfriend. No doubt Madame Dubarry knew full well that the King’s daughters were real source of the trouble, but they were untouchable. And she could not ignore the fact that Marie was an enthusiastic participant even if she didn’t fully understand what she was doing. Bookmakers were doing a land-office business taking wagers on what would happen next.

King Louis put a flea in the ear of Madame de Noailles. “Tell your mistress to stick to her knitting. She may one day be Queen of France, but I am the King of France NOW. My girlfriend is furious and that makes things bad for me. Make sure she understands that.” Madame de Noailles passed this on to Marie with some words of her own. Marie understood. Unnerved, she told the Royal Sisters-in-law and Abbe Vermond, who went to Count Mercy with some advice. “Do something about that girl.”

Count Mercy again begged mom to intervene. Maria knew she had to do something for the sake of the alliance, but what could she do from Vienna? She had a somewhat similar problem with Madame Dubarry’s predecessor, Madame Pompador. She needed to, but did not dare, speak to her directly. Her solution in that situation was to use Count Kaunitz as a go-between.

This worked because Count Kaunitz and Madame Pompador were, more or less, social equals. This time around, it wasn’t the King’s mistress that she needed to talk to. It was her daughter and there was no one at Versailles who could speak to her daughter as an equal. At least, no one she could trust. What she had was a daughter who knew full well that mom considered the Kings girlfriend to be a whore. Why, in God’s name, should a future Queen of France treat a whore, no matter who she was sleeping with, with anything but contempt?

It was a good question; and one Maria Theresa had no answer for. But she tried. And she did so by having Kaunitz approach her and frame the situation as a state matter, and not a personal or moral one. That might actually have worked with a reasonable adult. But it didn’t work with a fifteen year old puritan who had no concept whatsoever of what “matters of state” meant. Kaunitz wrote;
“ To refrain from showing civility towards persons whom the King has adopted as members of his own circle is derogatory to that circle.; and all persons must be as members thereof whom the ruling monarch himself looks upon as his confidants, no one being entitled to ask whether he be right or wrong in doing so. The choice of a reigning monarch must be unreservedly respected.”

Very sound advice, respectfully given. Did Marie take it? Of course not. Who did that meddling old fool think he was talking to? Didn’t he know she was going to be Queen of France one day? Egged on by the Royal Daughters, Marie continued her accent to the top of His Majesties Royal Doo-doo List. Meanwhile, back in the Royal Bedchamber, King Louis was being driven around the bend by Madame Dubarry’s nagging.

He ordered Count Mercy to present himself for an informal chat. Once the Count arrived, he turned Dubarry loose on him and left the room. Madame Dubarry, barely holding back her tears, begged the Count to do something, anything, about that, that…child! And whatever he was going to do, he had best do it quickly because His Majesty was loosing patience and God alone knew what might happen to Franco-Austrian relations as a result.

Protocol be damned. Count Mercy went directly to Marie Antoinette and spoke to her. Did she have ANY idea what damage she was doing to Austria’s reputation? Didn’t she realize that the whole purpose of her marriage was to put paid to the Franco-Austrian alliance? That without France as a partner, Austria’s very survival might be at stake? She needed to stop listening to His Majesties daughters and listen to His Majesty instead. Stop behaving like a Royal Prat, Madame Dubarry was His Majesties Special Friend, and what you think of her Does.. Not.. Matter. His Majesty wants you to be nice to her. Your mother wants you to be nice to her. Speak to Madame Dubarry and be nice!

According to one historian; “Through tears of humiliation and rage she gave her word that she would speak.” To make sure, a formal date was set. A formal meeting was arranged. All of Versailles was on pins and needles. And…nothing happened. At the last minute, one of the Royal Daughters interrupted the meeting and reminded Marie of the type of woman she was dealing with. Marie caved and refused to speak to Madame Dubarry.

King Louis had had enough. All the women in his life were insane. He was sure of it. All women were insane, as far as he could tell. He informed Count Mercy that the entire Franco-Austrian alliance was on probation. The timing could hardly have been worse. Thanks to Sort-of Emperor Joesph’s disgraceful role in the partition of Poland between Russia, Prussia and Austria, which was playing out while all the Versailles drama was unfolding, France would have had good reason to question the alliance anyway. Marie Antoinette’s little tiff with Dad-in-laws jumped-up whore could well turn into a war between France and Austria.

— Mr. Al